Yes, yes. It started already. The hiccups. The formal 50-50 arrangement hasn;t even started yet and I am already getting abused by Spike. The other day i received a whole barrel of texts from him and it's just frustrating me. I won't repeat them or bang on about them too much, I am bored of it all.
He just will never change his perspective. He just will never move on.
I am still shocked at the anger I have towards him, and it seems to grow with every bad encounter I have with him. I never got over how our marriage ended, and it has caused so much of the anger I still experience today. Because he broke his vows to me, he cheated. He broke a part of me in doing that, that I have never quite gotten over. He cheated and he thinks his shit don't stink.
It is exhausting.
I had such a great great time today with the girls - the school holidays are almost at an end, and yesterday I was just so stressed and wasn;t having fun with them, so I just prayed and asked God to bless me with enough patience and motivation to enjoy some quality time with my girls. And he did! It was a fantastic hot summers day today and we went to Maraetai beach, I used to go there alot as a kid. The sun was hot and the water was cool, we had a blast together. Spice jumped off a wharf into the sea, and Sugar was happily playing in the sand. We had fun. They behaved. It was wonderful!
I am so blessed to have such lovley girls.
On another note, I am going to give up smoking! I'm counting down to my quit date so will be starting a new blog about that.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Success... Triumph.... Victory....
How many other words can I come up with to describe the roundtable meeting..... Spike and I had a meeting scheduled last wednesday, and it was meant to be us and our lawyers and the kids lawyer, but it ended up being me shut in a room with my lawyer running in and out, conversing with his lawyer who was in another room with Spike. He had come into the meeting and told his lawyer that he didn't want to change a thing. Didn't want to do the 50-50. Said he had some concerns.
God i love my lawyer. She rocks. She told him that I had been asking over and over for him to specifically cite his concerns to me, and as he hadn't done so would he mind going over them with her? Haha. He said nothing. Then she says to him, sweet as. if you do not want to agree on this and you want to drag this out even though we were all in agreeance that 50-50 would go ahead, fine. We will see you in court, we will go to trial and the judge can decide. Because that was literally the only thing that could happen. If we couldn't come to a conclusion and finally get a final parenting order, we had no more options but go to a hearing and let a judge decide.
The kids lawyer has been to all our mediation's and meetings, and she meets with the kids as well, and she thought the idea of 50-50 was good, after all the last school term when I got to have the kids a little bit more it was in preparation for this bigger change to take place at the beginning of term one.
A bit more to-and-fro-ing and my lawyer came in with a big grin on her face. He caved. He fucking caved. He agreed to and signed an order giving us both equal rights as parents.
FINALLY!!
I just about cried I was so happy. I asked my lawyer if Spike would be able to join us so we could discuss financial matters. But he said that he had something else to do and not enough time. Hmmpf.
In regards to the financial stuff, well I wrote in our communication book the ideas I had about splitting bills for day care and after school care and school costs, and he wrote back that it all sounded fine.
Thing was, he was over a thousand dollars in arrears with afterschool care. I rang the owner of the centre that runs the programme and explained the situation, and she agreed to create us split bills; I will pay for whatever days she is in care on my weeks and Spike will pay for his week, and his arrears. I was so happy when I got off the phone. Daycare wasn't so happy to arrange separate bills, so both of us will just have to split the bill weekly.
I am so very happy that this has finally come to an end. We have a FINAL parenting order which states that we have equal rights and equal time.The fucking power struggle and the games are over. I hope. This should never have taken this long. I have missed out on far too much.
See, when I went to Aussie the first time, for three months, Spike and I had agreed that when I got back from looking after Dad that we would start 50-50 custody. How naive I was not to sign anything before hand, to trust him. and it has taken two and a half years of constant court battles, accusations and rumours all trying to make me look like the bad parent to finally come to this conclusion. This has not been an easy road. And I guess going 50-50 right when I am about to start nursing school full time and buy a business is not going to be an easy road either. Which is why I am still having trouble sleeping.
Thoughts just go round and round in my brain. Money, mostly, but other worries as well like how will I fit all my homework in with the kids homework and playing with them, and working. How will I fit it all in? I am a naturally organised person, I lie being organised. But I like knowing how things are going to pan out in advance. I don;t like not knowing how stuff will work out. I need to have a solid plan! And at the moment I dont.
Two more weeks.... counting down. Wow two more weeks and I will finally be there. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I got my book list and it was expensive! I managed to pick up all but one of the required textbooks from trademe, and i'll get the other one this week when I get my course related costs from studylink. I have to buy a uniform for clinical placements amongst other items like a stethoscope and nurses watch etc.
So we are just about ready to buy the business. T-Bone just has to do a few more things to get the money and we will be ready to take over. I can't see it being February but it will be March. We Incorporated the business, so it's all ready to go ahead as soon as we get all the money together. Another good bit of news.
Then we got a couple of bad bits of news in the same week. My friend L's mother has two large tumours in her stomach; they don;t know if they are cancerous yet but one is so big it has it's own blood supply. So she will be undergoing heaps of tests in the coming weeks. My heart goes out to L, because she has suffered from anxiety for years and this will just bring it back on again. I know how it feels - actually L was with me the day my Dad rung from Aussie and told me he had lung cancer. I couldn't breathe, I just listened to what he said and when he hung up I sobbed for hours. But Dad knew right from the start that it was terminal. His doctor never gave him the illusion that he would be cured. All the chemo and radiation he went through was only to prolong his life a little. So I know how it feels to have a parent who is dying, who has died. It fucking rips you in two. My Dad should have never died so young.
The other bit of bad news is that our flatmate is moving out. Great fuckin timing, she knows that we are financially strained and she wants to move out the weekend right before I start nursing school. So i'm pissed about that. I know we will have to rent the room out again, and I know we can get a lot more money for it than she was giving to us. But I just don't really like the thought of living with strangers. I'll have to put an ad up next week for a new flatmate.
God i love my lawyer. She rocks. She told him that I had been asking over and over for him to specifically cite his concerns to me, and as he hadn't done so would he mind going over them with her? Haha. He said nothing. Then she says to him, sweet as. if you do not want to agree on this and you want to drag this out even though we were all in agreeance that 50-50 would go ahead, fine. We will see you in court, we will go to trial and the judge can decide. Because that was literally the only thing that could happen. If we couldn't come to a conclusion and finally get a final parenting order, we had no more options but go to a hearing and let a judge decide.
The kids lawyer has been to all our mediation's and meetings, and she meets with the kids as well, and she thought the idea of 50-50 was good, after all the last school term when I got to have the kids a little bit more it was in preparation for this bigger change to take place at the beginning of term one.
A bit more to-and-fro-ing and my lawyer came in with a big grin on her face. He caved. He fucking caved. He agreed to and signed an order giving us both equal rights as parents.
FINALLY!!
I just about cried I was so happy. I asked my lawyer if Spike would be able to join us so we could discuss financial matters. But he said that he had something else to do and not enough time. Hmmpf.
In regards to the financial stuff, well I wrote in our communication book the ideas I had about splitting bills for day care and after school care and school costs, and he wrote back that it all sounded fine.
Thing was, he was over a thousand dollars in arrears with afterschool care. I rang the owner of the centre that runs the programme and explained the situation, and she agreed to create us split bills; I will pay for whatever days she is in care on my weeks and Spike will pay for his week, and his arrears. I was so happy when I got off the phone. Daycare wasn't so happy to arrange separate bills, so both of us will just have to split the bill weekly.
I am so very happy that this has finally come to an end. We have a FINAL parenting order which states that we have equal rights and equal time.The fucking power struggle and the games are over. I hope. This should never have taken this long. I have missed out on far too much.
See, when I went to Aussie the first time, for three months, Spike and I had agreed that when I got back from looking after Dad that we would start 50-50 custody. How naive I was not to sign anything before hand, to trust him. and it has taken two and a half years of constant court battles, accusations and rumours all trying to make me look like the bad parent to finally come to this conclusion. This has not been an easy road. And I guess going 50-50 right when I am about to start nursing school full time and buy a business is not going to be an easy road either. Which is why I am still having trouble sleeping.
Thoughts just go round and round in my brain. Money, mostly, but other worries as well like how will I fit all my homework in with the kids homework and playing with them, and working. How will I fit it all in? I am a naturally organised person, I lie being organised. But I like knowing how things are going to pan out in advance. I don;t like not knowing how stuff will work out. I need to have a solid plan! And at the moment I dont.
Two more weeks.... counting down. Wow two more weeks and I will finally be there. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I got my book list and it was expensive! I managed to pick up all but one of the required textbooks from trademe, and i'll get the other one this week when I get my course related costs from studylink. I have to buy a uniform for clinical placements amongst other items like a stethoscope and nurses watch etc.
So we are just about ready to buy the business. T-Bone just has to do a few more things to get the money and we will be ready to take over. I can't see it being February but it will be March. We Incorporated the business, so it's all ready to go ahead as soon as we get all the money together. Another good bit of news.
Then we got a couple of bad bits of news in the same week. My friend L's mother has two large tumours in her stomach; they don;t know if they are cancerous yet but one is so big it has it's own blood supply. So she will be undergoing heaps of tests in the coming weeks. My heart goes out to L, because she has suffered from anxiety for years and this will just bring it back on again. I know how it feels - actually L was with me the day my Dad rung from Aussie and told me he had lung cancer. I couldn't breathe, I just listened to what he said and when he hung up I sobbed for hours. But Dad knew right from the start that it was terminal. His doctor never gave him the illusion that he would be cured. All the chemo and radiation he went through was only to prolong his life a little. So I know how it feels to have a parent who is dying, who has died. It fucking rips you in two. My Dad should have never died so young.
The other bit of bad news is that our flatmate is moving out. Great fuckin timing, she knows that we are financially strained and she wants to move out the weekend right before I start nursing school. So i'm pissed about that. I know we will have to rent the room out again, and I know we can get a lot more money for it than she was giving to us. But I just don't really like the thought of living with strangers. I'll have to put an ad up next week for a new flatmate.
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Will it, won't it....
Will it work out? Won't it work out? Will it be too much for me? Am I taking this on with too many other things on my plate as well?
Nursing School starts in less than a month. The other day I went and had a walk around my new campus, checked out the building and made sure I knew where the toilets and library were, sussed out parking. Got a timetable, the lady said more info will be posted to me and I won't really know my exact timetable until orientation week, which annoys me because I like to be super organised well in advance. And I have childcare arrangements to take care of. There is an upcoming lawyers meeting where hopefully everything goes to plan and we get the 50-50 we have been fighting for for so freaking long. I'd love to know my class times before that, but I don't. The timetable gave me a rough idea, most classes start at 9 or 10 so I will be able to drop the kids off, but some days I won't finish till four, so T-Bone will have to pick them up, other days I will finish at 3 so they may have to go to after school care.
What is bothering me.... well it's the middle of the night and I had to get these things off my chest otherwise sleep will not be happening.
I love my girls. They are just so sweet, they make me proud and angry in the same minute, they are messy and noisy and don't have table manners (Sugar actually used her tongue to lick up her peas off her plate because "they were rolling everywhere") but I fucking love them. I want them here all the time, even though sometimes I want them just to be quiet or not argue or just leave me in peace for a little bit. This 50-50 thing will financially benefit us in no way at all. We are going to have extra bills to pay in fact, when we can hardly pay the ones we already have. But that's a non-issue as long as we get them. We will work it out. I will be studying full time, trying to fit in some kind of work, and studying at home as well, all on top of looking after the girls on the week we have them.
HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS?
Am I strong enough to do this? Capable enough? Will I be a success or will I drop out because the other things in life overcrowd MY ambitions. Doing this course means everything to me. It has taken me 10 years of umming and ahhhing and a few attempts to enrol at different stages, but this is for real. This is fucking well it, I'm going to nursing school!!!!
I need to do it. I was born to do it. It will be so much better for us in the long term. And it's only three years, right? I know I am intelligent enough to study and pass, I know I am compassionate enough to make an exceptional nurse. I know I have the desire to sacrifice so many things in the next three years so that I can go to nursing school. We may even have to lose the MySky!! (Not sure how I will cope with that loss, so used to being able to rewind and fast forward and so are the kids)
So the Yellow Brick Road takes a new turn, there is a new beginning in my life coming up. An opportunity for me to get a life-long career that is going to bring me so much joy and pleasure and challenge.
I need to find a new job. This casual shit is not on. Haven't had work in two weeks, so haven;t had income. I just applied to pretty much every retail store in our area, hoping that someone wants weekend staff. If that's what I have to do, then I will do it. With the custody being the way it is currently (well, not over the holidays) then my quality time with the kids is pretty much confined to weekends. If I had the 50-50 then quality time would be spread over the entire week, so on the weekends it wouldn't be a biggie if I worked one or two of the days.
Coming up to the lawyers meeting I need to be prepared for what I want to say. I know what I want and I don't want to leave that room with anything less than 50-50 custody. I've looked at a few different ways of splitting the custody and I think the most reasonable way is to do a week on week off arrangement, starting on friday afternoon so we get them fresh and happy and excited to see us and we can use the weekend to settle into their other home, then through the week we know we have them all week so there won't be so much of this to-and-fro business thats been going on. And on the week off will be when my concentration goes to studying more and working if I am able.
I know that Spike will say something about how if I am in full time study then how can I fit the kids around my study. Well, they will. We will make it work. The kids are always my first priority, but in saying that they have to come second to this study, because in a round about way, it's for them anyway. So they will have a mum in three years time that they can be proud of, that they will have a mum who isn't broke all the time, they will have a happy mum who finally feels like she has a meaningful place in the world. I don't see how it won't make their lives better in the long run.
Where on earth I can squeeze in another sprog is beyond me. I know T-Bone and I both want to have a baby, it's just bad timing in the next three years, and then I will probably want to work for a year before getting pregnant. So thats four or possibly 5 years from now. T-Bone isn't getting any younger, he will be 35 this year so will possibly be a 40 year old new dad.
I fucking should have done this course when I was younger. The first time it came up I was 17, working as a Nurse Aide in Christchurch, and I had a patient who was really close to me, and I promised her that I would be a nurse one day. I looked into it, but it took me two years to apply, and when I did I was just about to start the course when I found out I was pregnant with Spice. This has been in the making for 10 years. Can I manage it now? With a family, with work, money, everything makes it so hard. I'm not worried about the course, i'm worried about the rest of life.
Nursing School starts in less than a month. The other day I went and had a walk around my new campus, checked out the building and made sure I knew where the toilets and library were, sussed out parking. Got a timetable, the lady said more info will be posted to me and I won't really know my exact timetable until orientation week, which annoys me because I like to be super organised well in advance. And I have childcare arrangements to take care of. There is an upcoming lawyers meeting where hopefully everything goes to plan and we get the 50-50 we have been fighting for for so freaking long. I'd love to know my class times before that, but I don't. The timetable gave me a rough idea, most classes start at 9 or 10 so I will be able to drop the kids off, but some days I won't finish till four, so T-Bone will have to pick them up, other days I will finish at 3 so they may have to go to after school care.
What is bothering me.... well it's the middle of the night and I had to get these things off my chest otherwise sleep will not be happening.
I love my girls. They are just so sweet, they make me proud and angry in the same minute, they are messy and noisy and don't have table manners (Sugar actually used her tongue to lick up her peas off her plate because "they were rolling everywhere") but I fucking love them. I want them here all the time, even though sometimes I want them just to be quiet or not argue or just leave me in peace for a little bit. This 50-50 thing will financially benefit us in no way at all. We are going to have extra bills to pay in fact, when we can hardly pay the ones we already have. But that's a non-issue as long as we get them. We will work it out. I will be studying full time, trying to fit in some kind of work, and studying at home as well, all on top of looking after the girls on the week we have them.
HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS?
Am I strong enough to do this? Capable enough? Will I be a success or will I drop out because the other things in life overcrowd MY ambitions. Doing this course means everything to me. It has taken me 10 years of umming and ahhhing and a few attempts to enrol at different stages, but this is for real. This is fucking well it, I'm going to nursing school!!!!
I need to do it. I was born to do it. It will be so much better for us in the long term. And it's only three years, right? I know I am intelligent enough to study and pass, I know I am compassionate enough to make an exceptional nurse. I know I have the desire to sacrifice so many things in the next three years so that I can go to nursing school. We may even have to lose the MySky!! (Not sure how I will cope with that loss, so used to being able to rewind and fast forward and so are the kids)
So the Yellow Brick Road takes a new turn, there is a new beginning in my life coming up. An opportunity for me to get a life-long career that is going to bring me so much joy and pleasure and challenge.
I need to find a new job. This casual shit is not on. Haven't had work in two weeks, so haven;t had income. I just applied to pretty much every retail store in our area, hoping that someone wants weekend staff. If that's what I have to do, then I will do it. With the custody being the way it is currently (well, not over the holidays) then my quality time with the kids is pretty much confined to weekends. If I had the 50-50 then quality time would be spread over the entire week, so on the weekends it wouldn't be a biggie if I worked one or two of the days.
Coming up to the lawyers meeting I need to be prepared for what I want to say. I know what I want and I don't want to leave that room with anything less than 50-50 custody. I've looked at a few different ways of splitting the custody and I think the most reasonable way is to do a week on week off arrangement, starting on friday afternoon so we get them fresh and happy and excited to see us and we can use the weekend to settle into their other home, then through the week we know we have them all week so there won't be so much of this to-and-fro business thats been going on. And on the week off will be when my concentration goes to studying more and working if I am able.
I know that Spike will say something about how if I am in full time study then how can I fit the kids around my study. Well, they will. We will make it work. The kids are always my first priority, but in saying that they have to come second to this study, because in a round about way, it's for them anyway. So they will have a mum in three years time that they can be proud of, that they will have a mum who isn't broke all the time, they will have a happy mum who finally feels like she has a meaningful place in the world. I don't see how it won't make their lives better in the long run.
Where on earth I can squeeze in another sprog is beyond me. I know T-Bone and I both want to have a baby, it's just bad timing in the next three years, and then I will probably want to work for a year before getting pregnant. So thats four or possibly 5 years from now. T-Bone isn't getting any younger, he will be 35 this year so will possibly be a 40 year old new dad.
I fucking should have done this course when I was younger. The first time it came up I was 17, working as a Nurse Aide in Christchurch, and I had a patient who was really close to me, and I promised her that I would be a nurse one day. I looked into it, but it took me two years to apply, and when I did I was just about to start the course when I found out I was pregnant with Spice. This has been in the making for 10 years. Can I manage it now? With a family, with work, money, everything makes it so hard. I'm not worried about the course, i'm worried about the rest of life.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Happy Xmas, New Years etc and bring on 2012!
Christmas was a success! How the fuck did that happen?! The girls arrived from Spikes at lunchtime, opened presents, played with them and then we sat down at a beautifully presented table to eat ham and salad and trifle. It was a good day.
The girls had heaps of presents and got what they wanted - Pillowpets - so they were happy. I wish they had had such a magical time at their dad's place too. But apparently, Santa didn't visit and they only got a couple of gifts from Spike and Freckles and his parents, and they took them to McDonalds for xmas breakfast! It disgusted me. At least make the effort to leave a few presents from Santa, at least make the effort to cook some Bacon and eggs for breakfast.
So now that xmas is over, and new years is over (we went out to town with some friends and had a great kid-less time) its 2012 and time for my career to start! I'm super excited about starting Nursing School, I just can't wait. There have been some doubts between T-Bone and I if we will cope financially while I am studying full time, but i'm sure we can get there. I've applied for heaps of jobs in shops, I will keep the job I have but seems as it is a casual contract I don't get regular work, which is what I need. If I get another part time job on weekends it means we will have a guaranteed income while I am studying.
So Spike and I have a lawyers meeting in a few weeks for finalise this arrangement. He is such a dick. He has no reason to back out of the agreement we made. I am SO over the court crap! I guess I will see at the meeting if the Wicked Witch has made any waves.
New Years resolution: to go to Nursing School and to be more prepared for Xmas!!!!
So now that xmas is over, and new years is over (we went out to town with some friends and had a great kid-less time) its 2012 and time for my career to start! I'm super excited about starting Nursing School, I just can't wait. There have been some doubts between T-Bone and I if we will cope financially while I am studying full time, but i'm sure we can get there. I've applied for heaps of jobs in shops, I will keep the job I have but seems as it is a casual contract I don't get regular work, which is what I need. If I get another part time job on weekends it means we will have a guaranteed income while I am studying.
So Spike and I have a lawyers meeting in a few weeks for finalise this arrangement. He is such a dick. He has no reason to back out of the agreement we made. I am SO over the court crap! I guess I will see at the meeting if the Wicked Witch has made any waves.
New Years resolution: to go to Nursing School and to be more prepared for Xmas!!!!
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
It's so close I can smell the trifle
Okay Xmas is just about here. Cannot avoid (have been trying). Thankfully we did all of the kids xmas shopping and have survived, both in the shops and financially.
Thanks so much, Studylink, for stopping my student allowance unannounced, go fuck yourselves. We will be very very tight over the next six weeks thanks to a technical hitch due to me switching qualifications halfway through the year, even though my papers got cross credited to my new programme, the university and Studylink now consider that as I am a "half year, part time" student. I even sobbed on the phone, saying "oh my god i've been a full time student for two years, I worked hard and I got F'n great marks!" But no, no deal. So I have to wait for my student allowance to start back up when I start Nursing School. I've been getting a few more shifts at work, but the work is inconsistent (being a casual) and now that the school holidays are here, there will be many days I am offered work where I have the kids so can't.
Another rant about Spike. So, I pay child support to him as IRD have worked out, which doesn't amount to very much. So it's not a rant about having to pay it. I pay it. As well as contributing to other costs and covering the full $200 per term piano lessons. But over January, as the timetable that Spike and I agreed on last month, I have 17 nights and he has 13. Therefore I have them for a larger portion than he does. And since we have been working towards 50-50 starting 1st of February, I thought it would be a fair call to ask Spike to ring IRD to cancel the child support payments from the end of december. But all I got back as a reply was "we haven't come to an agreement yet." WTF! Ummmm, I thought we had sorted this out months ago at the mediation where we filed and INTERIM agreement of the changes in the last term, which was designed to settle the girls into the habit of leaving for school from my place, and that we both had agreed that the beginning of term one 2012 was the best time to start the 50-50 arrangement. He agreed that that's what we would be doing. Even in the meeting we had here between T-Bone, myself, Spike and Freckles which was a month ago, we were still in agreeance that this would be happening. He raised no concerns except MONEY. But now he is spouting off some shit about needing a "safety plan" in case "something happens", and no I dont know what he means, and no he would not elaborate.
So I wrote a letter to IRD myself with the new arrangement over January, because why should I pay him child support if I will have the girls for the majority of the time anyways? I'm not seeking child support payments from him because I will be having them more, I don't want to play the IRD game. I thought it was really unfair that he refused to contact them to cancel the payments. IRD said that they would have to confirm the dates with him, but if he doesn't want to play the game I have plenty of evidence to prove that the arrangement that we made is going ahead.
Another thing that makes me nervous is the arrival of the Wicked Witch. L said that she will fly in on her broomstick on Xmas day. I am nervous that she already been influencing Spike in the lead up to her return to NZ to change his mind. Well, OF COURSE!! I mean, she hasn't been around to control him 24/7 the way she would like so I expect a large dose of Wicked Witch input when she arrives. I don't know how long she is staying, but am seeing L tomorrow so perhaps she will know.
There are so many stressors going on... money, work, kids, xmas, family court, uni. This paper i'm doing is HARD! It's all crammed into such a short amount of space, i've no idea how i'm going to get it all done. The only comfort is knowing its not nessicary that I pass it, I was using it as a helping hand for Nursing School next year. There are just so many topics, so much to learn about all of the different parts of the body and how they all work... not just stuff like your leg bone is attached to a muscle and the muscle moves... it goes into crap like the different types of muscles, what types of cells they are made up of, what cells do what job within those muscles etc. It would have been alot easier if I had someone teaching, or if I had taken the paper over a full semester instead of the short one. With xmas, parties to go to as well as working, i'm not sure how to fit in enough dedicated study time.
The girls are so excited about xmas. They can't wait! I'm so excited to see their faces when they open their pressies; probably the only part of xmas I enjoy. I started sewing some xmas placemats so I can lay the table out all nice, since this will be our first "alone" family xmas - Mum and her partner are going away on their boat, and my brother is going to his finace's parents. The girls are spending xmas eve with Spike then getting dropped off at lunchtime, and for once we don't have to do any rushing around to people's houses! Just relaxing at home, eating a massive dinner. Sounds nice.
Almost there!
Thanks so much, Studylink, for stopping my student allowance unannounced, go fuck yourselves. We will be very very tight over the next six weeks thanks to a technical hitch due to me switching qualifications halfway through the year, even though my papers got cross credited to my new programme, the university and Studylink now consider that as I am a "half year, part time" student. I even sobbed on the phone, saying "oh my god i've been a full time student for two years, I worked hard and I got F'n great marks!" But no, no deal. So I have to wait for my student allowance to start back up when I start Nursing School. I've been getting a few more shifts at work, but the work is inconsistent (being a casual) and now that the school holidays are here, there will be many days I am offered work where I have the kids so can't.
Another rant about Spike. So, I pay child support to him as IRD have worked out, which doesn't amount to very much. So it's not a rant about having to pay it. I pay it. As well as contributing to other costs and covering the full $200 per term piano lessons. But over January, as the timetable that Spike and I agreed on last month, I have 17 nights and he has 13. Therefore I have them for a larger portion than he does. And since we have been working towards 50-50 starting 1st of February, I thought it would be a fair call to ask Spike to ring IRD to cancel the child support payments from the end of december. But all I got back as a reply was "we haven't come to an agreement yet." WTF! Ummmm, I thought we had sorted this out months ago at the mediation where we filed and INTERIM agreement of the changes in the last term, which was designed to settle the girls into the habit of leaving for school from my place, and that we both had agreed that the beginning of term one 2012 was the best time to start the 50-50 arrangement. He agreed that that's what we would be doing. Even in the meeting we had here between T-Bone, myself, Spike and Freckles which was a month ago, we were still in agreeance that this would be happening. He raised no concerns except MONEY. But now he is spouting off some shit about needing a "safety plan" in case "something happens", and no I dont know what he means, and no he would not elaborate.
So I wrote a letter to IRD myself with the new arrangement over January, because why should I pay him child support if I will have the girls for the majority of the time anyways? I'm not seeking child support payments from him because I will be having them more, I don't want to play the IRD game. I thought it was really unfair that he refused to contact them to cancel the payments. IRD said that they would have to confirm the dates with him, but if he doesn't want to play the game I have plenty of evidence to prove that the arrangement that we made is going ahead.
Another thing that makes me nervous is the arrival of the Wicked Witch. L said that she will fly in on her broomstick on Xmas day. I am nervous that she already been influencing Spike in the lead up to her return to NZ to change his mind. Well, OF COURSE!! I mean, she hasn't been around to control him 24/7 the way she would like so I expect a large dose of Wicked Witch input when she arrives. I don't know how long she is staying, but am seeing L tomorrow so perhaps she will know.
There are so many stressors going on... money, work, kids, xmas, family court, uni. This paper i'm doing is HARD! It's all crammed into such a short amount of space, i've no idea how i'm going to get it all done. The only comfort is knowing its not nessicary that I pass it, I was using it as a helping hand for Nursing School next year. There are just so many topics, so much to learn about all of the different parts of the body and how they all work... not just stuff like your leg bone is attached to a muscle and the muscle moves... it goes into crap like the different types of muscles, what types of cells they are made up of, what cells do what job within those muscles etc. It would have been alot easier if I had someone teaching, or if I had taken the paper over a full semester instead of the short one. With xmas, parties to go to as well as working, i'm not sure how to fit in enough dedicated study time.
The girls are so excited about xmas. They can't wait! I'm so excited to see their faces when they open their pressies; probably the only part of xmas I enjoy. I started sewing some xmas placemats so I can lay the table out all nice, since this will be our first "alone" family xmas - Mum and her partner are going away on their boat, and my brother is going to his finace's parents. The girls are spending xmas eve with Spike then getting dropped off at lunchtime, and for once we don't have to do any rushing around to people's houses! Just relaxing at home, eating a massive dinner. Sounds nice.
Almost there!
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Oh! I've lost my Christmas spirit! Can I borrow yours?
I keep forgetting how much I hate Christmas. Not the actual day, I like the day with all its food and the kids opening presents and sitting out in the sun with some beers. That part is just lovely.
Its the weeks leading up to Christmas that I can't stand.
Two weeks out from the big day and I have ventured to the shops ONCE. There are people everywhere. I don't like crowds and never will. I don't like anything that involves mass people moving in different directions.
So shopping is shit in December. What always makes shopping more shit? Lack of available funds.
Ohhh Money. It's my #1 stressor. And this time of year there is so much pressure. So many xmas parties where you have to buy little presents for people you don't really want to buy for. If i was a Lotto winner I would buy for them. But if i was a student with a part time job and heaps of rent to pay... oh, wait, I am!
We put a layby on at a shop about two months ago and its about half paid off. That's the extent of my shopping. But now I have to go out and find presents for the family xmas party which is this sunday. To the MALL. THIS WEEK.
I'm the grinch. Next year I want to fly overseas and just avoid the entire month of December. Perhaps the first half of January as well.
Then on top of the xmas shopping there are overdue bills to be paid which bit into a massive chunk of my hard earned pay. I hate fortnightly pay, it fuckin sucks. Who does that??
I am grumpy and wish it would be over.
Okay let me try and think about some good things about xmas... mmmm. Well the girls are at Spike's on xmas day until lunchtime, so we get to have a sleep in. Also, we don't have to be Santa this year thank fuck. Because Santa goes to the house that you sleep at, so Spike will have to dish out for those presents. We swap each year, so last year they woke up at my place and I had been Santa. That takes some pressure off of how many presents I have to buy.
And we have nothing else to do that day! My mum is going away sailing over xmas, hence the early xmas day this sunday. So no driving, just presents and eating.
And in two weeks it will all be over. For a whole year. I think my New Years resolution will be to be more prepared for xmas next year!!
Its the weeks leading up to Christmas that I can't stand.
Two weeks out from the big day and I have ventured to the shops ONCE. There are people everywhere. I don't like crowds and never will. I don't like anything that involves mass people moving in different directions.
So shopping is shit in December. What always makes shopping more shit? Lack of available funds.
Ohhh Money. It's my #1 stressor. And this time of year there is so much pressure. So many xmas parties where you have to buy little presents for people you don't really want to buy for. If i was a Lotto winner I would buy for them. But if i was a student with a part time job and heaps of rent to pay... oh, wait, I am!
We put a layby on at a shop about two months ago and its about half paid off. That's the extent of my shopping. But now I have to go out and find presents for the family xmas party which is this sunday. To the MALL. THIS WEEK.
I'm the grinch. Next year I want to fly overseas and just avoid the entire month of December. Perhaps the first half of January as well.
Then on top of the xmas shopping there are overdue bills to be paid which bit into a massive chunk of my hard earned pay. I hate fortnightly pay, it fuckin sucks. Who does that??
I am grumpy and wish it would be over.
Okay let me try and think about some good things about xmas... mmmm. Well the girls are at Spike's on xmas day until lunchtime, so we get to have a sleep in. Also, we don't have to be Santa this year thank fuck. Because Santa goes to the house that you sleep at, so Spike will have to dish out for those presents. We swap each year, so last year they woke up at my place and I had been Santa. That takes some pressure off of how many presents I have to buy.
And we have nothing else to do that day! My mum is going away sailing over xmas, hence the early xmas day this sunday. So no driving, just presents and eating.
And in two weeks it will all be over. For a whole year. I think my New Years resolution will be to be more prepared for xmas next year!!
Thursday, 1 December 2011
It can be so hard sometimes
No shit. Life is hard. Have a moan.
Remember when you were a teenager and people would try to give you advice? Like your parents or older siblings? And you never took it? Because they didn't understand you, they weren't in your shoes, in fact you were completely unique and nobody have ever been through what you were going through! I learnt last year in a psychology class that this is typical of teenagers, called adolescent egocentrism. The personal fable - a story an individual constructs about themselves in which they are the star, their experiences are unique and nobody understands them. Well, it's just a brain dysfunction. Teenagers brains just aren't developed enough to act like adults. Actually, the part of the brain that is involved in reasoning, impulse control and emotional development isn't developed enough even at 20. I learnt in this years Human Development course that there is a period of life called "emerging adulthood", from the end of adolescence until around 25, when a person is no longer a teenager biologically, but also not quite an adult.
Teenagers and even these emerging adults are stroppy and shitty and they don't want your advice. If you try to offer them well meaning advice because they are about to make a mistake you may have already made in the course of your life, they don't want to hear it. So fuck em. Let them make their mistakes. They won't listen. They insist they are adults when they behave more like teenagers. They still lack the ability to take other people into consideration when making decisions. They are lazy, sulky and moody.
I'm over it.
Life is hard yes, but grow the fuck up.
I've had a couple of off days when everything seems to bug me. I have a case of the guilts because of the financial situation at the moment, and a small amount of stress over waiting for exam results and fitting in study with work and sick kids. Spice has been at home with me this week with the chicken pox, although she's not unwell just spotty.
So the situation with this emerging adult is really getting on my nerves. It has been bugging me for more than the last few days, but it's just really getting to a point where I am annoyed all the time about this person. Because teenagers lack the insight to really think about another person before they act, I can't actually blame it on anything more than a biological dysfunction. Or maybe some people are just lazy and inconsiderate. I don't know.
Remember when you were a teenager and people would try to give you advice? Like your parents or older siblings? And you never took it? Because they didn't understand you, they weren't in your shoes, in fact you were completely unique and nobody have ever been through what you were going through! I learnt last year in a psychology class that this is typical of teenagers, called adolescent egocentrism. The personal fable - a story an individual constructs about themselves in which they are the star, their experiences are unique and nobody understands them. Well, it's just a brain dysfunction. Teenagers brains just aren't developed enough to act like adults. Actually, the part of the brain that is involved in reasoning, impulse control and emotional development isn't developed enough even at 20. I learnt in this years Human Development course that there is a period of life called "emerging adulthood", from the end of adolescence until around 25, when a person is no longer a teenager biologically, but also not quite an adult.
Teenagers and even these emerging adults are stroppy and shitty and they don't want your advice. If you try to offer them well meaning advice because they are about to make a mistake you may have already made in the course of your life, they don't want to hear it. So fuck em. Let them make their mistakes. They won't listen. They insist they are adults when they behave more like teenagers. They still lack the ability to take other people into consideration when making decisions. They are lazy, sulky and moody.
I'm over it.
Life is hard yes, but grow the fuck up.
I've had a couple of off days when everything seems to bug me. I have a case of the guilts because of the financial situation at the moment, and a small amount of stress over waiting for exam results and fitting in study with work and sick kids. Spice has been at home with me this week with the chicken pox, although she's not unwell just spotty.
So the situation with this emerging adult is really getting on my nerves. It has been bugging me for more than the last few days, but it's just really getting to a point where I am annoyed all the time about this person. Because teenagers lack the insight to really think about another person before they act, I can't actually blame it on anything more than a biological dysfunction. Or maybe some people are just lazy and inconsiderate. I don't know.
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